Nourishment: the art of bedtime routine
This week, I have felt something deep in my fascia wanting to move; wanting to shed, wanting to release. It is a Scorpio new moon, and so this impulse to shed makes sense to me (I heavily associate scorpio with snake medicine). There are no words or thoughts that accompany my shedding; just a vague pain, a vague nausea that used to express as full-blown migraines but has become less intense over the course of my somatic healing journey.
In somatic therapy world, we talk about the fact that much of trauma is pre-cognitive: in childhood, we don’t yet have any language for our emotions, and so we experience them only in our bodies. Our childhood memory - until about age 12-14 - is held primarily in the body’s memory, not in the logical / talkative part of the mind that we are used to operating from as adults. It is stored in our reptilian brain, in our nervous system, in our connective tissue.
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This is why we hear so much, these days, about the “nervous system.” Our minds are not just our brains, locked into our skulls and in perfect control of all that we experience. In fact, our brains are connected to the rest of our body through a system of nerves that bring information home to this control center. Our thoughts, often, are reactions to energy systems moving in our nervous system (and not the other way around).
This is also why talk therapy has limited effectiveness: if it were possible to heal our trauma patterns just through logical thinking and conversation, talk therapy would have solved all of the world’s problems by now. And this is, finally, why yoga, drinking herbal tea, and eating nourishing food should be considered of equal importance in the hierarchy of healing to patriarchally-endorsed scientifically-researched modalities like psychotherapy (if you are sensing the heat in this, yes! I will save it for another newsletter).
In the Hakomi method — the somatic counseling modality that I am trained in — one of the core principles is “organicity.” This is the understanding that all beings have an innate impulse toward healing and wholeness; that as healing practitioners there is nothing to “fix.” Rather, we are holding space for our clients’ innate healing process: their own shedding, their own repair, their own becoming. I see this almost every time that I hold space: I open the container for an intelligence to come through in my clients, creating the opportunity for them to tap into it. It is an intelligence held, like trauma, just out of reach of the cognitive mind — in the body.
In tandem with my own somatic shedding this week, I have been pondering morning and evening routines. I have been thinking about these liminal times when our cognitive minds are waking up and winding down, and how they might be healing opportunities precisely because of this. These are times when our reptilian brain — the subconscious — is more fully online. And so they are times when we might let our bodies lead the way.
I will focus this post on evening routines, and will bring in morning routines next time. As someone who lives alone, I’ve had to find tools for down-regulating and self-regulating in the wind-down hours (where people who live in partnership or community have the bonus of co-regulation). I have found that the evening can be a tricky time when I am on my own — there is a bit of fear surrounding this aloneness in the dark (perhaps and ancestral vestige). And there are plenty of unhealthy tools for self-regulation that our culture knows well: binge-watching dating shows to turn your brain off, drinking alcohol, smoking tobacco / weed… I am not judging, as I have often indulged in all of these and still, occasionally, do.
But I have been seeking better tools — ones that allow my shedding and healing and organicity to unfold while my mind slows down. Here are a few ideas I have been testing:
Movies / shows / audiobooks that feel inspiring or educational.
I am really working on building a list for this one, and would LOVE your lists if you want to reply with some suggestions (which I will then re-share, compiled, here). I subscribe to the Criterion Channel and often love what I find there if I can just get myself to press play. Sometimes, though, I want something a little more fun and low key in the evenings — I just started watching Girls on HBO, which I had never watched and am very much appreciating the hilarity and realness of.
Using your hands.
Okay, this is my new thing. Last night I found myself working on a little air-dry clay pottery project for a homework assignment, and it just felt SO GOOD to be working with my hands — doing something that did not involve my thinking brain (to follow on what I wrote about above). I love to knit, so that may come in sometimes (while listening to an audiobook??). But I feel like pottery + music is a vibe I am really excited about for my evenings. And so, my gift to you today along with these little ideas is a mood board of my pottery dreams, below.
Listening to the radio.
There is this amazing French radio station a friend of mine told me about last summer. They don’t just play French music; they play all kinds of cool music from all over the world (including the US) that I would never hear if I didn’t listen in; and there is something that makes me feel connected to other people when I know I am listening to live radio. Download the Radio France app and head to the “fip” station at the bottom-center “Directs” tab. You can like and save songs you like within the app.
Reading.
Good, old fashioned reading — I would like to be alternating screen and no-screen evenings (and I still do love to curl up with an actual physical book). The latest book I finished cover-to-cover was Bill Plotkin’s Wild Mind (to really know me is to know that I love Bill Plotkin’s world concept), but I have about ten books I am in the middle of, at all times (not exaggerating; I think it’s the feminine reading way).
Journaling.
Sometimes I feel too tired to journal at night, but I like the idea of doing a “worry dump” here — just getting anything that might be keeping the mind looping out on the page. And also, perhaps, setting a dream question or intention.
Meditation.
I usually do my formal meditation practice in the morning, but I’ve been finding that just sitting with intention in the dark with a candle can be so soothing right before getting ready for bed. Prayer can be beautiful here too — reviewing the day with an attitude of surrender and gratitude; noting where I was in alignment with my highest self and where I lost the thread of divine connection.
Herbal tea.
This is one I have indulged in nightly for years. I am planning to write a newsletter soon about building your own at-home herbal apothecary (if you want to go down the rabbit hole). In the meantime, Traditional Medicinals is a brand that I trust for tea-bag herbal teas. Chamomile is my forever friend here, but I also love anything with skullcap. Cinnamon, ginger, lavender, and lemon balm are also great.
My ONLY thing with herbal teas is that if I drink them too close to sleep time I end up having to pee in the middle of the night (sometimes multiple times). So just be aware that giving some space between finishing your cup of tea and actually sleeping might be wise.
Magnesium.
Sometimes, in the form of chocolate :) Magnesium absolutely changed my sleep — I take Magnesium Glycinate but will switch to this one a friend of mine recommended when I’m done with my body (It has 7 different forms of magnesium in it, which supposedly help to resource the body in a variety of ways).